Mama Who Bore Me
by Thegirlsmiles
Summary: A reflection of Mimi's past. PreRent. Hints at abuse. The T rating may be a smidge too generous.


**Disclaimers**: Touches (ha ha) on sexual abuse and drugs. But nothing awful, at least, I hope not. Title is "Mama Who Bore Me" from Spring Awakening. Do check it out, if you haven't already.

Do I own Rent or SA? No. And they are totally different from each other. For real.

_Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so bad_

Mimi shivered and pulled her jacket closer to her. It was Christmas Eve and she was walking back from her new job. She was seventeen … far too young to be on the street and alone but it was far better than the alternative.

At night, when she was in the apartment and feeling sorry for herself, Mimi would reflect. Home. She had a fairly "normal" childhood. Mimi liked jumping rope and playing hopscotch. There were nights were she went hungry and her mama made the all the kids go to Mass, but Mimi had mostly happy memories of her childhood. Until her father went away for a very long time. He got in trouble because he was trying to help Mimi and her little sisters and Mama live in their apartment in Queens. Mama said he was never coming back.

Eventually, Mama got married again. Raul was mean. He would beat Mama when she raised her voice at him. Sometimes he would come in and hurt Mimi and her sisters. He would like to sleep in their bed and he would touch them. If they cried out or threatened to tell, then Raul would physically hurt them or Mama. Mimi didn't want Mama to get hurt and besides, she would think that Mimi was lying. She wouldn't tell Mama.

Then Mimi went to high school. She had to go Health class. She learned about all the things that Raul was doing. The things that she couldn't tell her mother. Surely God was mad at her for allowing this to happen and for not speaking up. And she knew she'd get in awfully big trouble if she told the teacher. Everyone was mad at Mimi.

So Mimi left. She took a train to Manhattan and never looked back. She settled in the Lower East Side, where rent was cheap, and she could find work. Mimi was a dancer. She was good at it. She liked the attention. The guys couldn't get close to her while she was on stage, and she liked that. She liked to put them in their place. It gave her a sense of dominance.

Of course, it was fair game once she got off stage. But Mimi soon found a coping mechanism.

_Mama who bore me  
Mama who gave me  
No way to handle things  
Who made me so sad_

She was nearly home. The wind howled. It was unusually freezing for Christmas Eve. Mimi pulled her coat a little tighter and checked her pocket. Her little "coping mechanism" was still there.

She quickened her pace and passed the familiar sights of Alphabet City. She was almost to her walk-up. She noticed an ambulance and thought nothing of it. It was nothing out of the ordinary … people OD'ed all the time. She knew there were users who lived above her … they had the same drug dealer and she would see them around Washington Square Park or St. Mark's Square all the time. She shrugged, pushed her way inside, and climbed the four flights to her room.

_Mama, the weeping  
Mama, the angels_

Mimi pulled off her coat and pulled on PJ bottoms and a tank. She hastily light some candles for the smack and for heat. She tried to ignore the stomping feet and cries above her. Mimi grabbed the spoon and deftly found a vein. She wasn't sure if she was shaking with need or cold, but she knew she'd feel better in a few minutes.

The needle pierced her skin. She felt the heroin in her veins. Mimi visibly relaxed, despite the commotion above her. She sank back on her bed and her thoughts vaguely returned to her mom. How she wished she knew about Raul and his bad touching before it was too late. She thought of how she could save her sisters. She wondered if they were having a good Christmas … but she knew they were not.

She was getting sleepy. Through a haze of sleep, she heard the guy who lived upstairs yell about "April" and heard the squeak of a stretcher and paramedics going down a hall. Then she heard some more crying … more like screaming, and the other people saying "Roger" like they were trying to comfort the poor guy. She wondered what happened, but her eyes were closing against her will. She knew the people upstairs wouldn't sleep. She heard a female voice say that April was an angel now. So she died? Was that the girl that she would see in the park? Now Mimi was frightened that she had a bad batch. She recalled seeing the red haired girl that afternoon. Mimi tossed and turned and listened to screaming. Finally, she roused and pulled her robe on. She couldn't sleep now. She gazed out on her balcony until Christmas Morning.

_No sleep in Heaven, or Bethlehem_

**Author's Note**: So instead of doing a paper, I write a Mimi fic. Go figure.

Hooray for putting off school work.

I've always thought April committed suicide on Christmas Eve. That's what makes the next Christmas Eve remarkably special.

Review … I'll love you forever annnd return the favor!


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